Thursday, September 24, 2009

MSwift P.I. and the Case of the Missing Dog (Ch. 2)

Chapter Two



dogs wandered off sometime after dark. hours after the battery died. so I pushed the trck 11 miles to town. Fortunately I parked on a hill.10:56 AM Jul 7th from web

Guy at the garage offered his tow truck for free--next time it happens. Great timing. I am going to visit Mrs. Vonnagan while I wait...10:58 AM Jul 7th from web

Missing Poodle signs all over town. Every utility pole has a "have you seen me?" poster with a slobbery dog picture..cute and smelly-looking11:02 AM Jul 7th from web

Two more blocks to Mrs. Vonnagan's. The banjo player is back. I spotted him a half block behind me when he accidentally twangged a string...11:30 AM Jul 7th from web

Hard to tweet and walk but I';m managing ut ok. Hang on while I ditch my shadow..11:30 AM Jul 7th from web

smashed that damn banjo like a popsicle stick craft...then he flashed his badge: Deputy Sheriff. I'm Tweeting from the county jail...11:44 AM Jul 7th from web

I'm out. Got my net book back too. Mrs. Vonnagan paid my bail. "Please, just find Snuggles," she implored. "Mr. Swift, u r my only hope."9:40 AM Jul 8th from web

made a couple new friends in jail: 'Bubba', local farmhand sleeping off a drunk; 'Sticky', local cleptomaniac in jail for fingering chickens9:42 AM Jul 8th from web

Chicken fingerer suggested I look for the dog in the local trailer park. "thats where the real bad folks hang out. bet you'll find it there"9:42 AM Jul 8th from web

Mrs. Vonnagan handed me a wad of 20's and sent me on my way. "I know I can count on you Mr. Swift." she wiped away tears as i drove off...9:43 AM Jul 8th from web

My truck is a lot lighter without all the ice cream. But it smells like dogs and still draws swarms of bees...9:44 AM Jul 8th from web

I am at the Walter P. Williams Dog Park, just outside Melton, Ohio. Lots of dogs, all shapes and sizes, but no poodles. I'm staking it out..2:15 PM Jul 8th from web

I am using a special scented poodle decoy from "Faux Paws" a robotic dog maker from Hitachi. Thing only responds to Japanese however...2:18 PM Jul 8th from web

The instructions say to call it "InuKodomoNoKo" whatever that means...doesn't seem to react at all. just its there. panting.2:31 PM Jul 8th from web

Leash is a long electronic wire with hand control: Press for "sit" "speak" shake hands" and "poop." Won't be using the Poop button at all..2:39 PM Jul 8th from web

Lots of folks here walking their canines...sheltie, dachsund, doberman and collies are prancing around. No poodles though....2:40 PM Jul 8th from web

Here comes a great big labrador...oof!2:44 PM Jul 8th from web

just jammed its nose into my crotch at 35 mph...robo-dog just sits there. I am shouting at it with a japanese accent...but no use...2:45 PM Jul 8th from web

here comes a woman with a st. bernard...leaving a puddle of drool in its wake. disgusting. but no poodles...2:53 PM Jul 8th from web

I'm sitting beneath a tree with my robo-dog. I told him to "kazawaki" whatever that means...and he laid down.2:54 PM Jul 8th from web

I have been on stake-out at the Melton, Ohio dog park for two days. All I've got to show for it is bad breath and fleas.8:50 PM Jul 9th from web

Even the robot dog gave up, bit me and wandered into traffic. I need a new plan. Maybe one more day at the dog park. This time w/ a real dog8:51 PM Jul 9th from web

I'm headed to a motel for a flea bath. I'll stop at the city animal shelter tomorrow. see what they have in the way of "loaner dogs"...8:52 PM Jul 9th from web

This job is not as glamorous as it seemed in the brochure.8:53 PM Jul 9th from web

It's been two days since I last saw daylight. I only get signal with 1 foot in the toilet and one hand on the drain pipe. New dog not good..8:40 AM Jul 11th from web

no poodles at the pound so i went with rotweiler mix; bad idea. new dog immediately took control; chased me into park restroom. very dark 8:41 AM Jul 11th from web

surviving on crickets and fresh urinal water. for god sake some one come and get this dog!!!8:42 AM Jul 11th from web

my power source is a stripped wire from the roof mounted solar panel. keeps shorting. with 1 foot in the toilet catastrophe is very likely8:43 AM Jul 11th from web

head to Melton, ohio. dog park. look for the bright pink ice cream truck. follow the trouser fabric to the nearby restroom. watchout 4 dog!8:44 AM Jul 11th from web

wait. here comes someone..dog is backing away from them? (stupid dog) i can't hear them, must lean closer...that's my name-?8:45 AM Jul 11th from web

some guy with a george bush mask. "Mr. Swift? Best if you be moving on if you know what's good for you!" he shouted. then he took the dog &8:51 AM Jul 11th from web

left without saying anything else. dog seemed to like him. damn dog. but what was that all about? how did he know who i was? ... i'm hungry8:52 AM Jul 11th from web

heading back to the motel to think. and back to mrs. vonnagan. something else is going on here besides a missing poodle. where're my keys???8:55 AM Jul 11th from web

ok. guess i'm walking back to town. i'll get the spare key from my suitcase then come back 4 the truck. time to think if nothing else..dogs!9:00 AM Jul 11th from web

with exasperation i am shutting down for now. long walk back to The Melton Motel....9:02 AM Jul 11th from web

There was a message waiting for me at the front desk when I finally made it back to the motel. "Mr. Swift. Come right away. Mrs. V-" Hhhhmmm2:32 PM Jul 11th from web

whatever it is will have to wait. i need the spare key and some sleep...and some antiseptic for the dog bites; and mouthwash2:33 PM Jul 11th from web

Called Mrs.Vonnagan she pleaded for me to "come over and provide comfort" until i find her dog & she increased my usual fee from $25 to $50K7:17 PM Jul 11th from web

This case keeps getting stranger and stranger. I aksed about the threat I'd received and the dog that seemed to be trained to hate me.7:18 PM Jul 11th from web

She claimed ignorance about the whole incident. "'Fifi' is only special to me, Mr. Swift. My only child...since my own have abandoned me."7:22 PM Jul 11th from web

she claimed ignorance but I smelled a rat. Told her I'd take the extra dough she offered & find the dog & find who trained the rottweiler...7:24 PM Jul 11th from web

...as soon as I had a good nights sleep and got some more ice cream for the truck. I walked right through a 'hood full of overweight kids...7:25 PM Jul 11th from web

Spent the past few days helping clean up from a bad storm that swept through southern Ohio on Saturday. Trailer park debris everywhere...9:35 PM Jul 14th from web

I really need sleep, but there's still a dog to find. And my ice cream is finally re-frozen, so I'm heading out to drum up some business...9:37 PM Jul 14th from web

Do you think it's too late to play the "ice cream man" music? I'll give it a try. Maybe some late-night customers will put a few dollars in9:39 PM Jul 14th from web

my otherwise empty pocket. The cash Mrs. Vonnagan gave me is all gone and her check won't clear until I return her dog. and i'm running...9:44 PM Jul 14th from web

out of leads. The dog park was a bust; local trailer parks are completely obliterated; even the local animal shelter is gone (bastards)9:45 PM Jul 14th from web

Cruising the streets of downtown Melton, just me and my truck. Trying to clear my head. Where could that dog be????????9:46 PM Jul 14th from web

I'm just going to keep driving and thinking and playing my music (it helps me think) maybe i'll sell some ice cream...9:48 PM Jul 14th from web

@jerrybattiste some of us are never off duty you know. Crime doesn't sleep- why should I? (btw--seen any 'found dog' reports?)9:49 PM Jul 14th from web in reply to jerrybattiste

Just got a $125 citation for violating noise ordinance in downtown Melton. Ice cream truck music past curfew--bad idea. Good news: a clue!10:14 PM Jul 14th from web

Melton PD Officer Mark Donovan has a voice that is strangely familiar...like 'George Bush', only not muffled. Wonder what his connection is?10:16 PM Jul 14th from web

Oh, and his K-9 is a familiar looking rottweiler....I definitely need to sleep on this...if only I could sleep. Time for the ether...10:17 PM Jul 14th from web

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