MSwift P.I. and the Case of the Missing Dog (Ch. 1)

Chapter One


I thought I might sell more ice cream on Independence Day weekend at Revolutionary Days in downtown Melton, OH. Instead...11:51 AM Jul 5th from web

a Ben Franklin re-enactor peed on my truck and George Washington's horse shat on my new shoes.Good news: Dame wants me to find her poodle...11:53 AM Jul 5th from web

Do dogs like ice cream? I have a good supply left over from yesterday. Maybe I'll leave a trail of it around town, see what happens...?11:54 AM Jul 5th from web

didn't realize parade from yesterday had been postponed: marching band rounding the corner I just coated in strawberry ripple. still no dog12:16 PM Jul 5th from web

trumpet player just rectally impaled by sliding flute player ouch! bassoon player still sliding, still sliding, still sliding- great balance12:17 PM Jul 5th from web

i'm moving the truck a little further out of town until the furor is over...still spreading ice cream as I go. only a few strays so far12:18 PM Jul 5th from web

still no sign of Mrs. Vonnagan's dog. I have successfully covered most of the roads in and around Melton with assorted flavors of ice cream1:41 PM Jul 5th from web

I left a trail of ice cream down the one dead end road I could find; Quarry Road, ends at a sheer drop into rock filled pit: still no poodle1:42 PM Jul 5th from web

Watching old episodes of Morton Downey Jr. on VHS http://www.mortondowneyjrho... keeping one eye open for the poodle. nothing so far...1:45 PM Jul 5th from web

@jerrybattiste thanks for the video. gives me something to watch while I look for the poodle; no dog so far and no customers. just, buzzing?1:47 PM Jul 5th from web

That buzzing sound I heard wasn't the motor overheating-it was bees. they followed my miles long trail of ice cream;congregated in my truck!7:33 PM Jul 5th from web

every stinging winged flying insect converged on my truck-inside, outside, they were all over me. I tried to get the ignition started but...7:33 PM Jul 5th from web

it was too late. I had them in my underwear at that point; my fedora made a poor defense against a million tiny sword-tipped bugs...7:34 PM Jul 5th from web

I grabbed my overcoat, wrapped it around my head and ran for the quarry. no time to check for water at the bottom; i just jumped....7:35 PM Jul 5th from web

once I regained consciousness i signalled for help. sheriff's department is sending someone with rappelling gear to haul me up....7:36 PM Jul 5th from web

good news: at least I have a signal down here. Bad news: Still no sign of Mrs. Vonnagan's prized poodle. just lots and lots of bees...still7:38 PM Jul 5th from web

Just woke up and checked myself out of Melton General Hospital; my entire body is covered with stings, i wasted all my ice cream and...9:36 AM Jul 6th from web

still no sign of Mrs. Vonnagan's prize poodle. Local police chief aske dme when i'd be "moving on." Said I had job to do, & not before then9:39 AM Jul 6th from web

so he wrote me a citation for illegal parking on a dead-end street and littering; also one for harming bees employed by a local keeper...9:39 AM Jul 6th from web

$450 in citations, thousands of stings, no ice cream left to sell and still no dog. Going to hobble downtown for breakfast, look for clues9:41 AM Jul 6th from web

Who eats grits? things taste like butter and salt coated weevils. Did get tip on a loose dog, black, matted fur, stinks to high heaven...11:45 AM Jul 6th from web

walking back to my truck, currently parked at police HQ; something odd about the way the guy across the street is watching me...11:46 AM Jul 6th from web

Impound lot charged for another $75 for "clean-up." So my truck is a little sticky...and covered with bees. what's the big deal?12:07 PM Jul 6th from web

strange man is still following me. Bearded, pot belly, overalls, carrying a banjo and smiling at me toothlessly; is this Ohio or Kentucky?12:09 PM Jul 6th from web

I drive off the lot, a crowd of children starts to gather,only i'm out of ice cream. This might be worse than the bees. rolling up windows..12:11 PM Jul 6th from web

and still no sign of that dog...12:11 PM Jul 6th from web

crowd of children has moved on. hardly any eggs thrown at me at all...but I still spy that banjo player tagging along behind me on a moped12:50 PM Jul 6th from web

I'm heading across town. I heard at the diner there's an old dog park where the strays tend to congregate in late afternoon. checking it out12:50 PM Jul 6th from web

At the dog park now. bought a few dozen cans of dog chow, dumped them in a pile at the dog park. Now I'll just wait and see what happens...2:33 PM Jul 6th from web

dogs! damn dogs everywhere! packs of them--growling, slobbering, now fighting over the pile of food i left out...worse than the bees...!!3:23 PM Jul 6th from web

ice cream truck siren blasting a path, but more dogs on their way-I can see them from a mile away; packs of sweating, stinking mongrels...3:24 PM Jul 6th from web

hang on..3:24 PM Jul 6th from web

i thi
3:24 PM Jul 6th from web

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3:24 PM Jul 6th from web

door...forgot to lock the door...3:25 PM Jul 6th from web

keys/ where are my keys???????????????3:25 PM Jul 6th from web

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doors closed...found my keys--they're hanging from lock, outside my truck...i'll just wait it out. and bandage my shins in the meantime...3:26 PM Jul 6th from web

so hot inside this truck; battery running low. don't dare run a/c.dogs are just sitting in the shade..watching me sweat..licking their chops7:44 PM Jul 6th from web

i can wait too, bitches. i'll just keep watching YouTube videos and Twittering until the battery ru7:45 PM Jul 6th from web